How to Ease School Anxiety and Beat the Back-to-School Blues

The start of a new school year can be a stressful time for both children and parents, especially if your child is struggling with school anxiety or the back-to-school blues. The transition from the freedom of summer holidays to school with all its rules can feel overwhelming for many kids. Whether it's the pressure of academic success, social worries, or a general fear of the unknown, school anxiety is common among young children and teens.

School anxiety is more than just feeling nervous about returning to school. While it's normal for kids to have some back-to-school jitters and occasionally feel reluctant to go to school, anxiety becomes a problem when it lingers for weeks or months and starts negatively impacting your child's mental health.

As a parent, it’s natural to want to help your child feel confident and excited about school again. In this article, you'll find practical tips and strategies to ease your child’s school anxiety, build their self-confidence and help them transition smoothly into the school routine. Plus, we’ll introduce helpful tools and resources that can offer additional support for children who are feeling overwhelmed by their school anxiety and refusing to go to school.

How to help your child if they have school anxiety

Addressing school anxiety involves tackling both internal and external factors. Optimally, parents can provide a combination of emotional support, resources and skill-building strategies to help their child identify underlying issues, build confidence and manage their reactions.

Issues such as bullying, academic difficulties, problems with teachers and peers and stressful events (e.g. a move or change in schools) are common reasons that may contribute to school anxiety.

Regularly check in with your child to gauge their feelings about school. Find a suitable setting where they'll feel safe to talk openly without fear of judgement or being teased. Have these check-ins before they start school, when they're heading back to school and throughout the school year.

• Ask open-ended questions like "What are you most looking forward to about going back to school?" and "What are you most nervous about?" rather than questions with yes/no answers.

• Listen actively and let them know it's okay to feel nervous or worried, but don't brush off their fears with phrases like "You'll be fine," or "Don't worry, you'll love it." Instead, encourage your child to share their specific concerns.

• Acknowledge what they're feeling and validate their emotions by seeking to understand what is causing their anxiety.

Foster a supportive home environment

• Ensure your child feels safe sharing their feelings at home. Get the whole family on board to support your child who is experiencing anxiety.

• Subtly highlight the fun and positive aspects of school to remind your child about the things they've enjoyed in the past. This might include seeing friends, subjects they like or the excitement of learning new things.

• If your child is struggling academically, consider enrolling them in a summer reading program or using a tutoring app.

• Provide a space at home where your child can retreat when they need a break. It might include cozy pillows, calming music or some art supplies. This can become a sanctuary when they need to regroup and reset.

• As parents, we tend to stress about our children's concerns and focus on what we can do for them. Remember to be kind to yourself, too. Far from being selfish, it's also an opportunity to model self-care to your anxious little ones.

Playing online educational games like Reading Eggs is a great way to build your child's confidence as they learn. Free trial

Build your child's confidence

• If your child is starting 'big school' for the first time, talk about what happens at school and what their school day might look like.

• Read books set in a school or about school together and discuss solutions to potentially challenging scenarios your child could encounter.

• Writing social stories together before school starts can help prevent separation anxiety.

• Educate your child about anxiety to help them understand what they're experiencing.

• Facilitate catch-ups with friends. Spending time with friends will build their self-esteem by reminding them they are liked and accepted. Social gatherings also provide opportunities to practise and refine their social skills.

• Nurture a growth mindset and help your child harness the power of "yet" ("I'm not good at math…yet, but I'm learning"). Teach them that mistakes are normal for everyone and an opportunity to learn.

• Encourage your child to play educational learning games like Reading Eggs to foster self-belief in their academic abilities.

• Help them identify their personal strengths and positive qualities. Remind them of past successes and challenges they've already overcome.

• Praise their efforts, perseverance and progress, not just successful outcomes.

• Inspirational quotes, especially those focused on resilience and overcoming adversity, can provide hope and remind your child that they're not alone in their struggles.

Your child's confidence plays a significant role in their overall school experience. This is where online learning games like Reading Eggs can be incredibly beneficial.

Reading Eggs provides a fun and engaging way for children to build their reading and literacy skills. The program's multi-faceted rewards system and personalized learning paths foster a feeling of success that can translate to increased confidence in other academic areas, reducing anxiety related to schoolwork.

The positive feedback and rewards in Reading Eggs build confidence and motivate children to keep learning. Free trial

Develop your child's coping skills and resilience

Sometimes, after previous anxiety attacks or if your child experiences chronic anxiety, the fear of anxiety itself can trigger the symptoms in a vicious cycle known as anticipatory anxiety. Teaching your child strategies to manage their anxious feelings when they arise can be empowering and helps to prevent the risk of anticipatory anxiety.

Practise the techniques together at first so your child doesn't feel awkward or embarrassed. Ideally, you want to develop these coping skills to a level where your child reverts to them automatically when they start to feel the onset of anxiety.

Having a variety of tactics in their toolkit will allow your child to use the method most appropriate for the situation.

• A worry journal is a great way for your child to actively work through their anxieties and develop their own personalized coping strategies. Recording, exploring and reviewing their worries over time makes it easier to identify patterns and build self-awareness of their thoughts, feelings and reactions.

• Teach your child relaxation techniques like deep breathing, yoga and meditation to reduce physical tension and calm their mind.

• Demonstrate positive self-talk techniques, such as affirmations ("I am brave," "I am strong," "I can handle this"), and show them how to replace negative thoughts with positive ones ("I can't do this" becomes "I can try my best").

• Focusing on the body can distract an anxious mind. Show your child how to discreetly use techniques like hand squeezes and progressive muscle relaxation (tensing and relaxing different muscle groups, starting from the toes and working up to the head).

• The repetitive motion and sensory appeal of fidget toys can help calm your child's nervous system and provide an outlet to 'ground' them. However, it's risky to rely on these gadgets as they might not always be easily accessible.

• Encourage your child to engage in regular physical activity to release endorphins and reduce stress.

• Sometimes a comfort object can help alleviate anxiety. Familiar items from home, such as a toy or stuffed animal, can provide reassurance throughout the day.

• Create a "calm down" plan together for overwhelming moments.

Deep breathing and relaxation techniques can often help to ease a child's anxiety.

Beating the back-to-school blues

Shifting from the relaxed days of summer to the structure and rules of school can be challenging for children. Parents can help make the transition less jarring by adjusting routines gradually and incorporating some academic learning into summer break activities. Not only will a little bit of educational time during summer holidays help reduce the risk of the back-to-school blues, it can also prevent learning loss (the 'summer slide').

• Begin adjusting sleep schedules two weeks before school starts.

• Incorporate quiet reading time into their nightly wind-down routine. Read bedtime stories together with younger children.

• Help your child re-establish social connections if they haven't caught up with their friends over the break.

• If they're starting school for the first time or beginning the term at a new school, organise a visit and tour of the school before the first day.

• Spend time with your child organizing and decorating their homework/study space so it's inviting and comfortable.

• Create a fun back-to-school tradition to make the first day of school a celebration.

• Mentally prepare your child for returning to schoolwork with a virtual summer camp to refresh their memory and reduce the anxiety of facing academic challenges unprepared.

For more tips on beating the back-to-school blues, check out our articles on how to get kids excited for back-to-school and our back-to-school checklist for parents.

Some kids find the playground more challenging than the classroom. Playdates with smaller groups of friends before the return to school can help build your child's self-esteem and social skills.

When anxiety turns to avoidance and school refusal

Most children are occasionally reluctant to go to school, especially before class tests or an upcoming activity they don't enjoy (like talking in front of the class). However, school anxiety can escalate to the point where a child avoids or refuses to go to school. This can be challenging for parents, but it's important to approach the issue with empathy and understanding.

If your child refuses to attend school, focus on identifying the underlying causes and work with your child to find solutions. Avoid dismissing their fears or forcing them to go to school, as this can worsen the anxiety.

School refusal should be addressed as quickly as possible to prevent your child falling too far behind in their schoolwork.

• Work closely with staff at your child's school to develop a return plan.

• A gradual return to school, perhaps on a part-time basis, might be an effective compromise in the short term.

• Encourage your child to maintain academic progress during their absence from school. An online homeschooling curriculum can help them stay up to date without needing to physically attend classes.

• Seek professional help to address the underlying cause of your child's anxiety.

When to seek professional help for your child's school anxiety

While many children experience some level of school anxiety, it's important to seek professional help if your child's anxiety is severe, persistent or interfering with their daily life. A therapist or counsellor can help identify underlying issues that may be contributing to your child's anxiety and provide additional coping strategies and support to your family.

Consider professional help if your child:

• Shows persistent physical symptoms.

• Regularly refuses to attend school.

• Experiences panic attacks.

• Shows signs of depression.

• Has anxiety that interferes with daily activities.

Remember, every child's experience with school anxiety is unique. What works for one child might not work for another. The key is to remain patient, supportive and consistent while working with your child to build their resilience.

With the right support, children can overcome school anxiety and develop a positive relationship with education.